Thursday 28 August 2008

COSTIVENESS IN ZEN-PIMPS:

IS A HARDENING OF THE EXCREMENTS IN THE BODY, SO THAT WITHOUT GREAT PAIN THE ZEN-PIMP CANNOT EVACUATE OR VOID HIS DUNG; AND THIS IS OFTEN OCCASIONED BY EXCESS OF PROVENDER, INSOMUCH THAT NATURE FORCES IT INTO THE BOWELS BEFORE IT WELL BE DIGESTED IN THE STOMACH; OR AGAIN, IT HAPPENS BY FEEDING ALTOGETHER UPON DRY MEATS, THE WHICH, THOUGH WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING, CONTRACT, NOTWITHSTANDING, THE EXCREMENTS BY THE EXTRAORDINARY HEAT THEY OCCASION; AND IT MAY LIKEWISE HAPPEN BY EXCESSIVE FASTING: TO REMEDY WHICH YOU MAY GIVE HIM THE FOLLOWING CLYSTER.

TAKE A HANDFUL OF MARSH MALLOWS, DECOCT THEM IN SPRING WATER, NOT EXCEEDING A QUART, ADD TO THESE HALF A PINT OF SALLAD OIL, AND SIX OUNCES OF FRESH BUTTER, OF BENEDICTA LAXATIVA AN OUNCE, AND INJECT THEM, HOLDING OR TYING CLOSE HIS TAIL BY BRINGING IT WITH A CORD BETWIXT HIS LEGS, OBLIGING HIM TO KEEP IT IN FOR THE SPACE OF AN HOUR; AND, THE BETTER TO MAKE IT WORK, GIVE HIM A WARM MASH; AND, AS SOON AS HE HAS DISCHARGED IT, GIVE HIM IN A DRENCHING HORN A POTION MADE AS FOLLOWS:

TAKE TWO OUNCES OF CARBIDE SOAP, DISSOLVE IT IN A PINT OF WARM WHITE-WINE, AND WITH IT A QUARTERN OF LINSEED OIL, SWEETENING THEM ALL WITH SUGAR-CANDY, AND GIVE IT HIS AS HOT AS HE CAN DRINK IT.

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