Wednesday, 31 December 2008

SHOE-HORNING: LAST MINUTE FILM OF THE YEAR CANDIDATE

FOR PICO.



TEXT IS DIFFICULT TO READ UNLESS YOU SELECT HIGH QUALITY :-(

Monday, 29 December 2008

NUDIST HERMENEUTICS XI: "Even my corpse is more beautiful than you."

....

http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/A/W0013.htm

?

google SMASH

1.

Accompanying the google book version of 'The Gulf War Did Not Take Place' were these adverts:

Military Men Wanted
Women Who Love Men In Uniform Are Looking For You.
Add Your Profile! www.MilitaryLoveLinks.com

Texas Mom Hits It Big
Finds Lucrative Online Business And Is Getting Rich With Kids
From Home www.unifiedwealthsolutions.com

The predictability disappoints me.

2.

I remember hearing about the 'First' Gulf War on the car radio. I was three years old. I could not distinguish the word 'golf' and the word 'gulf'. It wasn't confusing, exactly. I had no idea about anything. I was only three. But imagine if the Gulf War had, in fact, been played out on golf courses.

How would this have affected its media presence?
Would it have brought in more advertising?
Could celebrities have been involved?
Which celebrities?

What would he have said.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

CARAMBA!



Not sure quite what might be *made* of this, in the final analysis. Obviously it's simultaneously ok and kind of shit. Obviously its substance as both aesthetic and political statement is radically undermined by crass symbolism (see "hitting the fence with politically symbolic objects") as the limited means of cross-wiring the aesthetic with the political. Obviously again, given that the guy is actually *selling* the finished sonic product on his website, the thing to do would be to write to him in the guise of one of the migrant workers whose rights he imagines himself to be championing and ask whether he would accept payment in weekly installments. Anyone know any spanish?

Friday, 19 December 2008

'Cute' Kid in Incoherent Political Skit

More posterstyrene for the December bonfire.

Look at his/her/its adorable Culkin-like features deliver the lines:



Meeting the demands of kjlhk and Sir Ian Blair half-way.

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Sensational Simian Savagery

More photo frolics, courtesy of The Guardian website. A trio of performing monkeys round on their abusive owner in a market in Sizhou, China:


Tuesday, 16 December 2008

RUIN IT/RUIN THEM/RUIN YOURSELF

HERE ARE SOME PHOTOS FOR YOU BECAUSE IT IS CHRISTMAS


HAIKYO is, from what I gather, not only another name for the 'Tokyo Actor's Consumer's Cooperative Society' (SWORN ENEMIES OF FACEPLANT FROM THIS DAY FORWARD), but a popular genre of photography which focuses on abandoned areas and buildings. WOAH.


This is a good set of a deserted island near Nagasaki:



This guy is an enthusiast, though occasionally his friends POSE in an ABANDONED AREA like IDIOTS:


http://www.michaeljohngrist.com/ruins-gallery/




Examples from Russia: http://ctulhuftagn.livejournal.com/




Think of Chernobyl. Someone needs to go to Iraq & Afghanistan and take photos like these and start a LiveJournal group about it. Or why not buy stock footage of a ruined building still standing in war-torn baghdad? Here - http://www.thoughtequity.com/video/clip/232010_0096.do - for merely £169.

This is a photo that I took in Okinawa (see, EVERYONE CAN DO IT?):




& HERE, SAN ZHI, an abandoned futuristic city/housing development in Taiwan, which is the best example. Apparently you can see it on google earth w/ these co-ordinates - 25° 15' 39.14" N 121° 28' 39.28" E - but since google earth fucks my computer's shit up, there's no way I can check that. SOMEONE ELSE DO IT FOR ME. Anyway, type SAN ZHI into google images :







One day everything will look like this.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Sunday, 7 December 2008

"His limits are liberty, and expansion"

adevezar (1 week ago)
When people know that they find your way, critics and other reptils wnt to come to board.Tavener find his way, long time ago.But only now reptiles know that.Critics of Tavener are ste only about the uncleaning glass, not about the wine.

moipomponstar (2 weeks ago)
That version is not so good. To much vibrato !

alextilson (2 weeks ago)
Last year my grandmother died, and we had the Quier sing song for athene in Durham Cathedral and it was moving and very personal to listed to

adevezar (1 month ago)
John Tavener is a genious.Just that. His work is so beutifull that is behond religion.His limits are liberty, and expansion.Modernity have not those limits, that whay music is so closed.Tavener is an eye from the music and a hear for crating that sublime piece of silence called music.

VlilV (1 week ago)
that woz vry poetic, well done ;)

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

ALL YOUR PARATAXIS ARE BELONG TO US.

Is this a good thing, a good bad thing, a bad good thing, or just a shit? Is it a step? To the left-right/up-down/in-out? Where are we?

Dear everyone,

It has occured to me that, one humble year on from the inception both of my SSRI regime and it's corollary TEH FACPLANET INTRANATIONALS, we've grown, then shrunk, then grown again, then shrunk some, and now here we are with stretchmarks and a kind of tensely ambiguous omerta at high stink in the wind. I started Faceplant, you might recall, so that we could all *talk* to each other. Withstanding the obvious point that the thrust and parry of embedded youtube links has assumed a quasi-syntactical effect here at the 'plant - a bit like two sperm whales on barbiturates taking three months to enact a knock-knock joke - it saddens me, yes, saddens me that we all seem so reluctant to avail ourselves of teh most obvious thoxt transfer protocol, namely speeks. I *do* like having no managerial control (even on the level of suggestion) of the content of everyone's posts, I don't like the way someone says something then everyone else stares out of the window pretending Jonathan Ross has just been shot in the face or somesuch miracle.

I guess since I stopped paying everyone, I don't really have a right to hector you into having a good time but I feel like I'd be an even lousier boss than I already am if I didn't get out the wifflebat every now and then.

On the positive side, we've attracted one pedo (see the cbox latest) AND:



SCORE!

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

A level of debate seldom seen on Faceplant

This is a snapshot of how our competitors are operating:

sidcortes
(7 hours ago) Reply | Spam
WPNisaGod, keep on defending the "reputation" of anonymous and "oldfags", lulz, and the "newfags" will continue to troll you and keep on making you butthurt.

WPNisaGOD (6 hours ago) Reply | Spam
I do not care if they troll me, as long as they stop being stupid fucks who use forced memes every day, and stop wearing Guy Fawkes masks. It's stupid, half of /b/ users don't even know FGSFDS.

sidcortes (4 hours ago) Reply | Spam
Umm, no. The forced memes and guy fawkes masks are part of the troll, get used to it, it's all part of the biggest troll.

WPNisaGOD (2 hours ago) Reply | Spam
1. No
2. No
3. No

Your a newfag, I bet you haven't even posted on /b/ yet, faggot.




Thursday, 20 November 2008

NOVEMBER

I mean,



☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
★  │ 心想 │ 事成 │  ★
☆灌╭═╮  ╭═╮  ╭═╮灌☆
★水│人│  │好│  │幸│水★
☆ │氣│  │事│  │福│ ☆
★ │旺│  │多│  │滿│ ★
☆灌│旺│  │多│  │滿│灌☆
★水│㊣│  │㊣│  │㊣│水★
☆ ╰═╯天天╰═╯開心╰═╯ ☆
★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★.
┊┊┊┊★★祝你快乐★★┊┊┊┊ 
****◥████◤*◥████◤****
******◥██◤ ▏◥██◤ ******
******* ◥◤  ▏ ◥◤*******
***********◥◤*************
☆☆  睬睬增人气咯   ☆☆

★★     ★★
    ☆☆   ☆☆
     ★★ ★★ 祝你快乐每一天
      ☆☆ ☆☆ 晚上好呀,来看看你



Get with it.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

De Pulchro et Bono


















Sayers of the nonchalant subneutral theoria: compilation number 3: now.

Pullulate before now:

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Saturday, 1 November 2008

;)

i was like this at 13 pretty much i was JUST qettinq into partyinq and druqs and falinq school im 16 now and im the same pretty much ppl say that this life is so qreat its not the "fun" dont even stay 4 lonq you dnt relize what you done till its like to late i mean i wasnt as bad as them doinq coke an shit i only did weed and pills and drink but most my friends did that your life is like a lie the hole time ALWAYS indenial yeah is not a life to live

Gristlemania '87

I know that officially we don't 'do' puerile viral comedy copypasta in these parts, but I just c-can't help myself. Perhaps this contains some motivational tips for Faceplant personnel:

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Review Notes: Jonty Tiplady, "Zam Bonk Dip" (Barque, 2007)

It happens that the door swings by the lamp's hook barely.

Weep to see the white girl in the rubber mask. The black girl in socks. The white girl in socks. The black girl in the rubber mask. The zipped sock. The unzipped sock. The rubber mask.

There are four socks.

Swap.

The early prince licked her all over.
Sailor Milan had fits or something like this
and said I cannot even tie a bow.
He could not pick up a two penny piece either.
The other two came back in the second film
and the key for the suitcase in the tarmac
drew new water out.
[Tiplady, "4"]

Meat, greens, talc, unzip. Sweat through the joypad: declining to dinosaur, tractor, train. Blue duplo stuck to his thigh when he stands to go. Biplane.

NOW COMPARE: Anon. "Tom O'Bedlam", from "Ancient Songs" (1790)

Whimpered affirmations of the desk and bird. Extrusions slendering and dainty through the preventative come cropped, basted, Jeepsie.

Wildered in the pungency of an alp, sleeping with a gallant boy, the weeping door indicates no exit. Some minstrelsy in his bald chin who cried to see our shaving, residually. Unmasked, no socks.


Gameplay: 90% Graphics: 85% Sounds: 95% Addictiveness: 94%

Monday, 27 October 2008

RE: "MAINSTREAM" POETRY

My favorite thing about this video:



Is that it has less than half the number of hits that this video has:



Are YOU big in Romania, Armitage? Are you FUCK.

Friday, 24 October 2008

Sunday, 19 October 2008

RR



SFBG Most of the trains in the film are freight trains, there are maybe only one or two passenger trains.

JB There are two: one was a commuter train, one was a passenger train. The amount of commuter travel, at least on the West Coast, is minimal — you hardly ever see a train with people in it. Amtrak leases the right to use rails from the companies that operate the freight trains. I've taken most of the Amtrak train routes. They're fun ... and slow.

SFBG How long did you shoot?

JB I shot for two and a half years, probably. I had so much fun that I didn't really want to stop. I still miss it. Sometimes I go back to those same sites and wait for trains, just to have that feeling again.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

Thursday, 16 October 2008

FACEPLANT LONDON MEET: THIS WEEKEND?

Dearest DOPE, APE, JOW:

I will be in your LODNOD TOWN this weekend, staying at the palace of COMRADE KNIFE FIGHTS, and wondered if you'd all like to meet up. Perhaps we could do something like this:



Let me know yeahyeah.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

THE MATCHBOX CREW -interlude

for all one of you following the riveting saga that is THE MATCHBOX CREW

( part 1 here & part two here )


i just wanted you to know that the exciting conclusion will be coming as soon as i get back to my writing bunker located on earth's single moon

so keep your drawstring pants on &stuff

- fleas / pants

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

Dear "FRIENDS",

Are you trying to hurt me? Sure, we've had our ups* and downs** since this site took flight, but never has your negligence to alert me to matters of great significance left such a devastating break in my heartskin, my neck which connects passion to gravy. I am OF COURSE referring to THIS:
knowledge of the existence of TWO POEMS by BARACK OBAMA, which I should have seen coming anyway since "Barack Obama" is a PERFECT ANAGRAM of "Frank O'Hara".

When and how will you mend me?

Your frenemy,

DOPE.

* More like YOU've had MY ups.
** i.e. September

Monday, 13 October 2008

ATTN: NOOBS

$%^&@#(@&!!!!

IF you have any time you're looking to murder, why not go HERE.

IF you can get past level 16, please screenshoot me the solution.

THX THX THX.

That Sarah Palin interview in full

Friday, 10 October 2008

ALIENATING IN-JOKE POST #004

DOPE!

Whatever you do, don't click here!

Revoked Cynicism.

Yo, that previous sketch was web-smart geek chic compared to the American media's attempt to explain the credit CRRRRUNCH. No? Jon Stewart's noticed the same thing, with dominoes.

High Psychedelic Performance


listening to la monte young in the army.
hoover tripe
Ju/'hoansi metal
this man walking, 1:40

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Review Notes: John Cheke: The Hurt of Sedition (1549)

What grinds your face in the toothed slit is exactly what keeps the at bay looted. So what, when the door slides back to the yellow desk and she's not looking:

But what meane ye, by this equalitie in the comune welth? If one be wiser then an other, wyl ye bannyshe him, because ye entende an equalitie of al thinges?

Sure, only, there's no use opening your office door any more given the concentrations;

The thing ye take is not your ryght, it is an other mans own, the maner of takyng against hys wil is unlawful, and against the order of euery good commune welth, the cause why ye take it, is mischeuous and horrible, to fat up youre sedition, ye that take it wicked traitours, and commone enemies to all good order.

Debris, cylinder, the cogency of an eel. There is a woman violently over it, totally gaped, no mustache:

Now ye gentlemen be more in trust be cause the comunes be untrusty [...]

Brick, luxury wife, dependency, thin cones of optimist phut about a bank. Yeah:

Ye haue spoiled, enprisoned, + threatened gentlemen to death, + that with such hatered of minde, as may not well be borne, ye case thereof I spake not on, which tried wil happeli be not greate, but se ye thinge, set murder asyde which is ye heinostest faute to a pryvate man. What could more spitefulli haue ben done again them, then ye haue used with crueltie? Can this do anye other but brede in their stomakes gret grudge of displeasure towarde you + engendre suche an hatered as the weaker and the sufferer, must nedes bear ye smart thereof.

The desk is in that room. She is a kind of resin. Conferring about a kind of fact with one ear like feat.

6/10

REDUCTIVE BOX OFFICES SMASHING

like everywhere




I KNOW what you're thinking BUT IS IT REALLYRILLY SO BAD TO FRAMPLE YOUR SIT-DOWN-UPONS?

ergo my balls, jeff daniels

DAMMIT

I just spent ages trying to upload a .gif animation I made of a rotating PCP molecule interspersed with the image of George Trakl vandalised with lime green wingdings, but FUCKING BLOGGER kept converting it into a distinctly NON-animating .jpeg which is all but fecking useless to me.

*SIGH*

It is difficult to be a white 23 year old living with his parents these days.

I tried uploading the .gif to Imageshack but they were complete JERKS about it. I finally got it working, thanks to another image hosting service, but only then did I get to the realisation that the whole enterprise sucked anyhow, so I deleted it and wrote this instead.

Friends: I am tired of ironic WTFing. I would really like to contribute to an internet worth saving but I can't even imagine what one would look like. Would anybody be interested in launching, right here, a Faceplant Symposium upon matters such as these?

Friends, show us your internets; I want to touch yours.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Miffed stick figures

Oh Gee Capitalism Is Collapsing How Irresponsible Of Everybody OH SHIT I Guess Everyone Is Just Out For Themselves & They Don't Really Care About The COMMUNITY;
The Subprime Primer

Cake

Let Them Eat It

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

ELSEWHERE ON THE NETWORK #041

As well as breezing thru vanquished albatross daily, spaffing at the larynx everyday too, you, like "me time", gaze at the dashboard longingly. This is not your home-fried menagerie bap coated in hammers, nor your time to shine. Nova prospect, your fridge is hooked up and touching its purpose, yet all the same you bark on, lounge under punches all roughed up. What the fuck happened to you?! >> Shit we didn't get up to this week includes:

  • This thing about Sonic cumming/shitting/vomiting in our mouths.

  • This thing about smuggling cocaine in a giant squid.

  • This thing in which "much placenta, much abdicated play" froths around the living room, you buy a mouthwash but everyone laughs at you anyway.
  • This thing, in which we wonder if our American frat boys would be so kind as to confirm whether such behaviour is encouraged overseas (?- really).

  • This thing we saw on Youtube.

  • And this thing, in which a camera tripod looks a bit like a face, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

IN SUMMARY: 4/10.

ALIENATING IN-JOKE POST #003



ADMIRE HOW BATTERED I AM.

ALIENATING IN-JOKE POST #002

sex

THE MATCHBOX CREW, p a r t T W O !

On Friday night Veronica and Robin sat in Veronica’s luxurious mansion. Veronica was wearing her new pink camisole and a white skirt that went just below the knee. She was touching up the make up on her big gray-blue-hazel eyes and her hair was done up casually. Robin was wearing a tight black dress and had on white eye shadow that looked, Veronica thought, great on her dark skin. Robin Hewison was bi-racial. Her mom was back and her dad was white. She had just put blonde highlights in her curly black hair.

Veronica stopped applying her make up to watch Robin. She was singing to the Hole song “Malibu” off the Celebrity Skin CD they had stolen that day. Robin had an amazing voice. She planned to move to LA after high school to pursue a singing career. Veronica would go with her to model. Veronica and Robin had been best friends since kindergarten and were the leaders of the Matchbox Crew. As Veronica turned back to the mirror to put on her mascara, the doorbell rang. All at once Rachel, Delainey, Samantha and Dorris plowed in dragging Lindsay with them.

Dorris smiled and all at once started gushing about the olive colored shirt that her new fling Brad had given her. Veronica had to smile and laugh a bit at seeing the girl who was usually so serious and sophisticated jumping up and down, eyes wide with excitement. Samantha was telling jokes to Lindsay to try to open her up. Samantha was from Korea and she had a great sense of humor. She was wearing a red slip dress with matching platform shoes. Delainey, who was quiet and very thoughtful, was near the closet talking with Rachel, who was loud and totally boy-crazy. Veronica tilted her head so she could hear what they were talking about. Oh, of course, they were discussing Bruce Bradbury and his new haircut. The two had been majorly crushing on Bruce since 7th grade. Veronica laughed as they sighed and stuck out their tongues, making panting sounds.

Veronica glanced at the clock. It was 8:00. Shit! If they didn’t leave now they would be late for the party that Jessie Friedman, who was in 10th grade, was giving.

“Guys, come on!” Veronica yelled.

In two minutes flat the girls were out of the house and on their way to Blake St. where Jimmy would pick them up in his old Chevy.
Veronica’s parents were out of town and everyone else’s parents thought they were sleeping over at her house. Veronica glanced down the street and saw the blue car rushing towards them. Veronica waved her arms and smiled. God, Jimmy was so cute! He was in 11th grade and was Veronica’s new boyfriend. Veronica and the rest of the Matchbox Crew were only in 8th grade but everyone said they were the coolest middle schoolers in the tri-state area.

When the girls got to the party they all sort of split up except for Veronica who stayed with Lindsay to help get her comfortable. There was a 311 song blasting over the speakers. Veronica closed her eyes and started grooving to the music. Lindsay was nervously biting her nails. She was wearing a maroon dress with daisies all over it – a little childish but somehow she could pull it off. Veronica was really getting into the song when she felt a hand on her ass.

“Ooh baby, you know I like it when you do that!” It was Jimmy.

“Oh shut UP, Jimmy!” Veronica said, laughing. “Hey, did you meet Lindsay? She’s new. Isn’t she a total Drew?”

Jimmy smiled at Lindsay, flashing his dimples. “Hi, do you got a boyfriend yet?”

Lindsay started, clearly a bit taken aback by the abruptness of his question. “Uh… no… not yet…” she answered, forcing a smile.

“Cool, well I think I know someone you would be into.” Jimmy pulled Lindsay over to a group of boys that the Matchbox Crew regularly associated with.

Veronica looked around the room. There must be one… no, TWO hundred people there, all dancing or talking or eating or making out. Veronica spotted Rachel flirting with Bruce in the corner. Dorris and Delainey were going upstairs with three guys. Veronica made a face. How was *that* going to work? Or maybe she didn’t want to know. Samantha was on the floor making out with some guy Veronica had never seen before and Robin was dancing with her boyfriend Tommy. Veronica smiled. They hadn’t even been there ten minutes and already everyone was set. Veronica pulled out a cigarette and sat down between a guy snorting heroin and a guy puking up green stuff.

Bored, she decided to find Jimmy. It took a few minutes before she finally spotted him in the crowd and called him over.

“Wazzup?!” Jimmy asked enthusiastically.

“What’s going on with Linds, have you seen her?” Veronica asked, concerned. She was a bit worried that Lindsay wouldn’t be able to party. She had told the girls earlier that she was a virgin and had never done alcohol, drugs, or had a boyfriend. In fact, Lindsay had never even been to a real party.

Greg looked puzzled by Veronica’s tone. “Oh, Lindsay? God, last I saw her she was shooting up in the bathroom and that guy Greg was groping her, but who knows what they’re doing by now.”

Veronica. was. stunned.


CAN YOU even BREATHE until YOU FIND OUT ALL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS CAN YOU even ?!?!?!?!i!i!i!


Saturday, 4 October 2008

THE MATCHBOX CREW , Pt.1

Lindsay was crying. She was curled up on the ground with her hands over her face. Coach Thomson was yelling at her. Veronica and the other teammates were standing back, not knowing what to do. They knew that they should not be there. They knew they should not be sharing this moment with Lindsay. Veronica knew this was all her fault.

When Lindsay arrived at SouthRidge Middle School in the fall, she had been a good girl. She was sweet and innocent when she moved to the New York City suburb from her quiet little town in Iowa. Veronica had watched her stand in the corner by herself, watching the other children socialize for weeks. Finally, in early October, Veronica convinced the rest of her clique, the Matchbox Crew (they had gotten their name from the smoking habit they all shared), to let Lindsay in as a trial member. The Matchbox Crew, or M.C. as they referred to themselves, included Veronica, Rachel, Delainey, Robin, Samantha, and Dorris.

The M.C. was probably not a good crowd to fall into, but Lindsay did. The Matchbox Crew were not popular, they were above popular. No one dared criticize them or hassle them, they were bad. The M.C. had a rep for being easy, willing to drink, smoke, get buzzed, you name it. They stole and hung out with the Blitz crew, which was a bad high school crew. Any name Lindsay had made for herself was now gone. She was strictly a member of the M.C.

Lindsay and the rest of the M.C. had good names with teachers, of course. They paid the nerds to do their homework and make them crib sheets for tests. They participated in several extracurricular activities including track, softball, yearbook, and more. Lindsay didn’t know the Matchbox Crew was bad news, she was just excited that she had been invited for a party and sleepover.




stay tuned!for more ok!!!!

NUDIST HERMENEUTICS IX: GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE, GRATIS

Ever since Al Jazeera discontinued their "This Week in Pictures" series, I've been at a serious loss to know where to source the good stuff. Nothing utterly remarkable about this week's octoshot, other than I STOLE it from here . Fuck Dorling Kindersly, greedy IP-grubbing swine.



Intrigue down, crime content up. And yes, friends, as you can see from the THIRD CONSECUTIVE DAY of me posting something, we are well and truly BACK.

Friday, 3 October 2008

GRINDING ON...

I'd like to introduce you all to COMRADE MELONS, our portable external HARD-DRIVE. MELONS not only has 500GB storage capacity - a vital boon to the FACEPLANT cause that should provide sufficient backup space until at least 2090 judging by our current rate of production - but can, as you will see if you condescend to click below, perform magic tricks.

Thursday, 2 October 2008

WHAT'S MORE



SOMETHING needs to be done about this.

DOPE, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

TURN OFF the autoplay on yr wit-cum-grit-clit Cocacola post, PLEEZ. Every fortnight when I check to see if any of my HIGHLY SALARIED EMPLOYEES here at the once HIGH FEVER, SATURDAY NIGHT STD FEVER a fortiori hub of intellection and elite art reflex formerly known and FEARED as the FACEPLANT INTERNATIONAL BRUISING COMPANY, fifteen seconds or so into the inevitable experience of seeing that no-one's applied a cold compress to the malingering tadpole's brow this week I get THE SHIT FLIPPED OUT OF ME, a violent and literal red sock inversion spattering the bedclothes with last night's cocopops, by the sound of last quarter's concept art klangwitz. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME, JEFF, HAHA.

I'm not blaming you. Any of you, that is. I've been just as lax. MANY WARM THANKS TO OUR MOST VALIANT FRIEND FIFI SNOB APEMAN for attempting to keep this sinking juggernaut afloat with his styrofoam kidney bean. THX THX THX.

I mean, Comrades, look, I don't want to seem like a bad boss or a bully or anything but LOOK WHAT HAPPENS on the internet when we turn our backs on it:



Rebirth, Comrades! FACEPLANT STRIKES BACK in Q4!

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Jocular commentary on the Sterile Class writ

'Ever since the end of the Cold War, successive American administrations have lectured other countries on the necessity of sound finance. Indonesia, Thailand, Argentina and several African states endured severe cuts in spending and deep recessions as the price of aid from the International Monetary Fund, which enforced the American orthodoxy. China in particular was hectored relentlessly on the weakness of its banking system. But China's success has been based on its consistent contempt for Western advice and it is not Chinese banks that are currently going bust. How symbolic yesterday that Chinese astronauts take a spacewalk while the US Treasury Secretary is on his knees.' - John Gray

Tuesday, 16 September 2008



dieses ist aber dumm, a bit, but does anyone think about where to loot?

Friday, 29 August 2008

RTOYS

Newcastle previously boasted several large theatres, among them the oldest purpose-built theatre in Australia, the Victoria Theatre on Perkins Street (built 1876, capacity 1750), saw touring international opera companies such as the D'Oyly Carte Opera Company, and other troupes, and played host to some of the greatest stars of the age, such as Dame Nellie Melba, Gladys Moncrieff, and Richard Tauber, (it is now closed and derelict);


Thursday, 28 August 2008

PICO CHO FU GAG GAG'S REALITY



FACEPLANT WORKER'S SALARY XMAS PULLOVER FEATURED IN FILM: "BLIZZARD FLASH MARBLE'S TOYOTA"
quit underlining this.

COSTIVENESS IN ZEN-PIMPS:

IS A HARDENING OF THE EXCREMENTS IN THE BODY, SO THAT WITHOUT GREAT PAIN THE ZEN-PIMP CANNOT EVACUATE OR VOID HIS DUNG; AND THIS IS OFTEN OCCASIONED BY EXCESS OF PROVENDER, INSOMUCH THAT NATURE FORCES IT INTO THE BOWELS BEFORE IT WELL BE DIGESTED IN THE STOMACH; OR AGAIN, IT HAPPENS BY FEEDING ALTOGETHER UPON DRY MEATS, THE WHICH, THOUGH WHOLESOME AND NOURISHING, CONTRACT, NOTWITHSTANDING, THE EXCREMENTS BY THE EXTRAORDINARY HEAT THEY OCCASION; AND IT MAY LIKEWISE HAPPEN BY EXCESSIVE FASTING: TO REMEDY WHICH YOU MAY GIVE HIM THE FOLLOWING CLYSTER.

TAKE A HANDFUL OF MARSH MALLOWS, DECOCT THEM IN SPRING WATER, NOT EXCEEDING A QUART, ADD TO THESE HALF A PINT OF SALLAD OIL, AND SIX OUNCES OF FRESH BUTTER, OF BENEDICTA LAXATIVA AN OUNCE, AND INJECT THEM, HOLDING OR TYING CLOSE HIS TAIL BY BRINGING IT WITH A CORD BETWIXT HIS LEGS, OBLIGING HIM TO KEEP IT IN FOR THE SPACE OF AN HOUR; AND, THE BETTER TO MAKE IT WORK, GIVE HIM A WARM MASH; AND, AS SOON AS HE HAS DISCHARGED IT, GIVE HIM IN A DRENCHING HORN A POTION MADE AS FOLLOWS:

TAKE TWO OUNCES OF CARBIDE SOAP, DISSOLVE IT IN A PINT OF WARM WHITE-WINE, AND WITH IT A QUARTERN OF LINSEED OIL, SWEETENING THEM ALL WITH SUGAR-CANDY, AND GIVE IT HIS AS HOT AS HE CAN DRINK IT.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

DELUSIONS OF THE FURY

"On a trip to Europe in the early thirties, Partch aroused the interest of W.B. Yeats, who watched as the young American composer chanted Psalm 137, 'By the Rivers of Babylon,' while sawing on the Adapted Viola. Yeats was charmed, but the musical establishments of Europe and America ignored or mocked Partch's ideas. By the time he returned to America in 1935, the Great Depression was at its height, and prospects for a conventional careeer seemed poor.

Partch now made a momentous decision: instead of begging for assistance from patrons or the WPA bureaucracy, he dropped out of society entirely, and became a hobo. For several years he crisscrossed the country, riding trains, doing manual labour, sleeping in shelters or in the wild, contracting syphilis, working occasionally as a proofreader, and, all the while, rethinking every parameter of music."

- Alex Ross, The Rest is Noise: Listening to the 20th Century p.481



Some Harry Partch links:

PLAY some of the instruments Partch created to escape the tyranny of the octave scale:

http://musicmavericks.publicradio.org/features/feature_partch.html

READ MORE about the Partch Instrument Collection at Montclair State University, NY:

http://www.newband.org/instruments.htm

DOWNLOAD flac files of The World of Harry Partch, ripped from the original vinyl:


OKAY.

Monday, 25 August 2008

TINA TURNER IS FREAKING OUT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkyE1JtkU_k

I couldn't embed this video, for whatever reason.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Monday, 11 August 2008

TERRORIST TRAINING CAMP FOR GIRLS UNCOVERED ON U.S. SOIL

Tonight we are a country awakened to danger and called to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to anger, and anger to resolution. Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done.

FRUIT MYSTERY IS TEH BOMB

Play this, with sound ON and till the END:

http://home.wildit.net.au/hellohelloben/mystery.html

You can maybe* keep having fun at the website called:

http://home.wildit.net.au/hellohelloben/index

*I'm not sure cos I've only had a brief glance but the colours are nice and it's always a good idea to rate things out of ten.

Friday, 8 August 2008

ALIENATING IN-JOKE POST #001

Karl Marx may be one better than Southwick...



But we would have been FUCKED.

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

More Dope-ivational Speaking

A discourse on revolution from this fellow, rumo(u)red to have posted under the Scott alias on at least one occasion:



2:54 - "I guess maybe there's some people that are on the Death Star firing at us, but those seem like faceless masses."


(Resolution: The next time I resort to embedding YouTube clips, I swear I will at least be the author of their content, thereby approaching the industrious discipline of Pico and Ricecake.)

Monday, 28 July 2008

when my balls itch ,it's not for charity

i charge 30,000 .

as in : SUH-MACK-A-ROOS .

as in :

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

BALL SIT CHIN MY BALLS



My cover. Come on guys, join in, this is for charity.

Monday, 21 July 2008

HAW HAW! YOUTUBE THINKS IT'S QUENTIN TARANTINO!



I formally request that everyone stop using Vaseline for a fortnight.

Friday, 18 July 2008

commentcomment



sisipib commentary ,,, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsDTmCVEbnE

Monday, 14 July 2008

From Own Very Ranks Ours

Sleepless in Seattle (in Paris (in Brighton))
Le Placard internet broadcast, 13 July 2008
GET IT WHILE IT'S
LIMITED LAWNDOOD PERIOD: GOO NOW! GOO!

Friday, 11 July 2008

proportionality

Two by the late Max Douglas

Night

a janitor comes and sits
near me on a bench

I continue drawing perspectives
he lights a cigarette

perspectives
vanish like Joan of Arc

he yawns consonantly
I think of being locked

inside the moon
it is time to go

on my way home
I pass through a

cobweb strung
between pine trees


***


Morning

and on this concrete
stoop where I am

there are scratched
initials

it is
a sort

of poetry
there are equations

of love
an economy

mostly there are no names
anymore

but symbols
formed of the overlapping

***

Max Douglas: look him up

Sunday, 6 July 2008

DELOYT+NAZI



I recommend watching ALL OF Teeside Tintin, but this one's funny because:: LOOK BOYS AND GIRLS, IT'S JOW LINDSAY's PARALYTIC NERVE OUT.

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

American Voices has set a new standard for what is possible in the arena of cultural diplomacy




"Broadway comes to Iraq in this hit from 'Grease' performed by Erbil's teen theater groups. The young actors met and rehearsed from July 13 to 23, 2007 with Carole McCann and Michael Parks Masterson in a project organized by American Voices and funded by the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad with additional support from Austrian Airlines and individual donations."

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

The dialectics of noise, or, "Why I am not a punk rocker with flowers in my hair"



I have condensed the essay I wrote on My Bloody Valentine to this simple summary: NEGATION INNIT.

Friday, 27 June 2008

Taxonomical Disputes within the Academy

RavenMaster27 (1 year ago) Reply | Spam
Grindcore actually comes from Crustcore, and its not a Sub-Genre from Deathmetal. But who cares, if someone likes the music, he does not care where the music style comes from

nzddkq777 (1 year ago) Reply | Spam
Actually friend, grindcore does not come from crustcore. It is related, but Grindcore did not birth out of Crustcore. The relationship is more like a cousin or subgenre you boneheaded maggot infested shitfuck. :)

Mahmood42978 (1 year ago) Reply | Spam
you're right it's not a sub-genre of death metal but grindcore and death metal have paralell developments and have influenced each other ...I wouldnt say it comes from Crustcore , Crustcore is a sister of grindcore though especially lyrically and obviously groups like Disrupt played a role in grindcore's development But I'd say it's roots are more just hardcore bands like Infest.

mrbiscuits415 (11 months ago) Reply | Spam
How many fucking "core" subgenres are there i mean its like people are just adding the word core to genres.

Bodanny (11 months ago) Reply | Spam
two step jungle-core? swing-core? big band-core? im inventing them as we speak. i charge €10 per genre if u wanna file ur band under it. any takers?

if_arch-snob_apeman (outside of time) Reply | Spam
Do not try to trivialise this matter, 'Bodanny'. Carry on, gentlemen.

Monday, 23 June 2008

Just Like You or I, They Kill People While They Fuck.




and check his leg muscles and the bit of her pelve showing ymmm..

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Sheer coincidence?



(Click on the above to enlarge and SEE what I mean...)

NOTE

http://www.eyeball-series.org/

Huge satellite photographs of restricted/'non-existent' areas relating to U.S. & U.K. military-industrial complex and more.

Guantanamo Bay:

http://eyeball-series.org/gtmo-eyeball.htm

Blackwater site:

http://eyeball-series.org/blackwater-grow/blackwater-grow.htm

Chinese and U.S. spy satellites:

http://eyeball-series.org/satspy/satspy-eyeball.htm

Also see http://www.wikileaks.org/ for more of this sort of thing.

'Counter-insurgency' training manual:

http://wikileaks.org/wiki/US_Special_Forces_counter-insurgency_manual_FM_31-20-3

Guantanamo Bay Task Force Manual:

http://wikileaks.org/wiki/Camp_Delta_Standard_Operating_Procedure

& so on.

ATTN:

Did, ah, anyone else - like me - ever READ C.S. Lewis's "Prince Caspian" as a child (or more recently)?

I seem to remember a talking rat called Reepicheep, a disgruntled but lovable talking badger called Nickabrick, one partisan neo-liberal dwarf, one partisan black power/white power (I forget which) dwarf, two public school boys - competent and brave, two public school girls - deferential and brave, and a tousled but lovable CHILD called Caspian. What's THIS shit?:

Mayonnaise and Different Things...

Kool Keith freestyle



Friday, 20 June 2008

I WAS THINKING MORE AND MORE ABOUT YOU THEN, BUT NOW I THINK SOME LESS



For the good, the better times, friends since. Pico will make me wear the mask again. But underneath him I will nor smile nor chew. For I have seen love, and her Face was a wide choice of comestibles, and a covered area for smoking. Forget me -- C C

OMEN CHRONICLES V: SQUAWKING DUX



EXCELLENT TO HAVE COMRADE CHUANG CHUANG BACK AT LAST. WHITE NIGHT, FEVER, SIX DISCREET TEXTURES OF PHLEGM, AS WHITE AS STEVE JOBS WHITE ALL ABOUT INDIFFERENT UNGENDERED PRECLASS INTERNATIONALIST PLANKTON SAID GOODBYE FOR ALL OF THIS. ALASKA UP FOR CONCEIVABLE EXPLOITS BY 2030 IF YOU DON'T JUST SINK HEAT LINES INTO THE CORE OF THE EARTH COVER EVERY SUPERIOR SURFACE WITH SOLAR PANELS LACE WIND TURBINES LIKE BARBED WIRE THROUGH THE MAIN DEAL EXXON MOBIL TATA NANO ONAN ATAT NUKE OIL SAUDI PROMISE OIL DOWN BY PRICE OF A *FUN SIZE* MARS BAR FOR TWENTY MINUTES TRUMP CONVINCED YES IT'S SUICIDE HOT DOG USB PORT TEACH HOW STILL WHITE IN 2020.

chaos is not our condition

And there! (strong) thrust, the mast!

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/shock-as-schoolgirl-pact-leads-to-17-pregnancies-851029.html

Yup. What would Olson say.

Thursday, 19 June 2008

CHUANG CHUANG IS HOME!



OH, HAPPY DAY! YES, he made it past A WHITER TRUCK on the way out of the wine barrel disguised as a secret escape passage. OUTSIDE OF THOSE FUMES NOXIOUS ALSO, he TAZED the arch-collaborator SLAM SALADKIN WITH SHEER FORCE OF TEMERITY AND GHERKIN CRAVE. HE THEN SKIPPED KAMBRIKI AND TOOK SAFE HAVEN IN A FORTNIGHT-LONG DRUG COCKTAIL, many thx to ISOPROPRIO, MANYBREADS, for the use of their codeine bidet. AMRIKI FIZZYFACERAPE rubbed steroids around his milkteeth whilst TEACHING CHUANG CHUANG TO BITE. He then met NOUX "WTFAMI?" HLUCKY who THREW MONEY AT HIM TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY. ON WAY BACK FROM AMRIKI VIA KAMBRIKI he stopped to piss in A WHITER TRUCK's nasturtiums, took a left and found KNIFE FIGHTS desperately searching for a rizla, considering using a post-it note. THEY DID SOME SHIT. CHUANG CHUANG THEN VISITED IFF ARCH-SNOB THEN APEMAN whose parents are really solid, let them know he loved the biscuits. NEF SOX, MOTHER O' TUTT HER VERY SELF, deigned to PLEDGE CHUANG CHUANG ONE GRAIN OF RICE PER DIEM, FROM THIS JOYOUS DAY FORWARD. FINALLY, DOPE ON TEH TABLET TAUGHT CHUANG SPECIAL ***MAKE_FONT_YELLOW*** POWER AND ***MAKE_FONT_SMALLER*** POWER.

CHUANG CHUANG BOWS TO dope on the table : THANKYOU, SENSEI.

He's grown a bit, but been keeping strong. He's off playing with OMEN and TOUCAN'T, who are considering feeding SWINE to OKTO.

Needless to say: FACEPLANT IS NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN.

YO NEF

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

CLICK FOR HIGHER RES NICE PICTURE TIME!
It had already crossed my mind that Justin Katko listens to music.

During the Liang Dynasty, the warlord Zhu Wen held the most power in northern China. Although he was originally a member of Huang Chao's rebel army, he took on a crucial role in suppressing the Huang Chao Rebellion. For this function, he was awarded the
Xuanwu Jiedushi title. Within a few years, he had consolidated his power by destroying neighbours and forcing the move of the imperial capital to Luoyang (in modern Henan province), which was within his region of influence. In 904, he executed Emperor Zhaozong and made his 13-year-old son a subordinate ruler. Three years later, he induced the boy emperor to abdicate in his favour. He then proclaimed himself emperor, thus beginning the Later Liang Dynasty. After his death, his son Zhū Zhèn (朱瑱) ruled. Zhū Zhèn, a cowardly man who disdained responsibility, left the kingdom to avoid kingship.

It was around this time I thought: Justin Katko listens to music.

So that is how it had already crossed my mind that Justin Katko listens to music.

ANOTHER LAZY POST USING SOMEONE ELSE'S SHIT OFF YOUTUBE AND A JPEG

No, the picture was not available in a higher resolution
+

=
SALESMAN X: "Melt into sperm" for the lady?