Friday, 15 February 2008
PROJECT SPRANG
can of ting need for the pillows then lion p'taa do you remember rocky you're looking in my one of the had some toast last night only use multigrain best of possibly the finest chocolate bar luke's suffering from delusion two tickets cheese look what I did steal floss SPESH SPESH JUNIOR SPESH ONE POUND FIFTY PENCE so what for one pound fifty you get gets you the extra mayo so that's how they're making money one pound two pound fifty the ingredients only amount to 77% well what the fuck is the other 23% the plastic cover has to be taxation mate she's not here I'm not liable to grass anyone up should have got the caramel far superior what the fuck do you know that's so cute luke thought twice in the shop pretty frugal that's all I'm saying wasn't the money clear to everyone in the shop me you and that silly bitch ID for you actually cannot I see your visa please I do for you walked out with the beer fuck you bizarre family tree he's actually staying out of the limelight.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
Silk Eudaemonics. Yo.
O you shacker like a tod
kraft slipping into envy out coming
as last faker time, the blunt
at clerical rash swoons to the dessicatory
and it will not last in cash
the dichroic or the less then falter
either the clepsydra is a prod
of recalcitrant duration or a slip
into oral infinity you tell more
in a day O annex and the young
will last to profession the cursory
dried in the sun like wild envy of
customer valency charm in a margarita
in substance that labels its farce as levitational
like a storm clip conversio
reconsider the tendential and all prayer for source/L
the crooked peak of entry in holiness is static
in rubber dimples or finding really demonstrative ports
uncareful
willful offer in milk torso check what you tried
and later on on empty empty its satchel into a morsel
of unrefined zinc to needles triple zeros ignition
instead of reckless fin du go guys like watersheds
in a fucking camp the ash cream checks temp guarantee
we change dollas
the sediment of equal share if its hand holds the elite
in contortion is odious to cherish the vital
cap on ganglion no matter what you're saying I'm
listening that is connected to a pulse of delimitation
where negatively we ascribe dedicated functions to bite
systematic subrelational lets of linoleum like cloud camo
which will fade. [for TODAY]
2:42 14feb
kraft slipping into envy out coming
as last faker time, the blunt
at clerical rash swoons to the dessicatory
and it will not last in cash
the dichroic or the less then falter
either the clepsydra is a prod
of recalcitrant duration or a slip
into oral infinity you tell more
in a day O annex and the young
will last to profession the cursory
dried in the sun like wild envy of
customer valency charm in a margarita
in substance that labels its farce as levitational
like a storm clip conversio
reconsider the tendential and all prayer for source/L
the crooked peak of entry in holiness is static
in rubber dimples or finding really demonstrative ports
uncareful
willful offer in milk torso check what you tried
and later on on empty empty its satchel into a morsel
of unrefined zinc to needles triple zeros ignition
instead of reckless fin du go guys like watersheds
in a fucking camp the ash cream checks temp guarantee
we change dollas
the sediment of equal share if its hand holds the elite
in contortion is odious to cherish the vital
cap on ganglion no matter what you're saying I'm
listening that is connected to a pulse of delimitation
where negatively we ascribe dedicated functions to bite
systematic subrelational lets of linoleum like cloud camo
which will fade. [for TODAY]
2:42 14feb
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
FACEPLANT IS 100 POSTS OLD AS OF THIS SHIT
Guys,
Who would have thought it! Not much more than three months ago I was sitting in Lindsay's front room, spilling my frail dream of a *NEW INTERNATIONAL* like tzatziki all over his carpet. A certain morbid doubt possessed him. It would "never fly". It was "pretty much totally opaque". TO THINK: those were the days when he'd never even seen me having sex, much less mack a FACEPLANT centurion! Jow: to celebrate, you will eat that obnoxious little trilby you seem so disproportionately fond of. Once you have shat the felt, tuck it away in the freezer and await further instructions.
For the rest of you, I hereby initiate the CELEBRATORY FACEPLANT 3-MINUTE PHOTOSHOP BROADSIDE COMPETITION. You have 3 minutes in Adobe Photoshop to do the sickest thing you have in you. One thing per person. The WINNER will be decided by a DEMOCRATIC VOTE which will take place after all the submissions are in. If you cheat, I will know and will see to it that your next wet dream is accompanied by a furious yeast infection. If you don't feel like participating, let me know well in advance. If you don't have Photoshop, KILL YOURSELF, or, at the very least, download Photoshop (no, don't BUY it you gumba, download a cracked version for FREE and get the bonus satisfaction of knowing that you're funding Al Qaeda). THE WINNER OF THE COMPETITION WILL RECEIVE BOUNTY BEYOND THE WILDEST DREAMS OF SOROS HIMSELF.
To get the phagocytes racing, here is my submission:
"HERNIATES SHADOWPAX"
FORWARD!
_______________________
Oh, and PS - Everyone please welcome and be intrusively kind to comrades JONTY, HULKY and MAKIM CIRCE. The phalanx swells.
Who would have thought it! Not much more than three months ago I was sitting in Lindsay's front room, spilling my frail dream of a *NEW INTERNATIONAL* like tzatziki all over his carpet. A certain morbid doubt possessed him. It would "never fly". It was "pretty much totally opaque". TO THINK: those were the days when he'd never even seen me having sex, much less mack a FACEPLANT centurion! Jow: to celebrate, you will eat that obnoxious little trilby you seem so disproportionately fond of. Once you have shat the felt, tuck it away in the freezer and await further instructions.
For the rest of you, I hereby initiate the CELEBRATORY FACEPLANT 3-MINUTE PHOTOSHOP BROADSIDE COMPETITION. You have 3 minutes in Adobe Photoshop to do the sickest thing you have in you. One thing per person. The WINNER will be decided by a DEMOCRATIC VOTE which will take place after all the submissions are in. If you cheat, I will know and will see to it that your next wet dream is accompanied by a furious yeast infection. If you don't feel like participating, let me know well in advance. If you don't have Photoshop, KILL YOURSELF, or, at the very least, download Photoshop (no, don't BUY it you gumba, download a cracked version for FREE and get the bonus satisfaction of knowing that you're funding Al Qaeda). THE WINNER OF THE COMPETITION WILL RECEIVE BOUNTY BEYOND THE WILDEST DREAMS OF SOROS HIMSELF.
To get the phagocytes racing, here is my submission:
"HERNIATES SHADOWPAX"
FORWARD!
_______________________
Oh, and PS - Everyone please welcome and be intrusively kind to comrades JONTY, HULKY and MAKIM CIRCE. The phalanx swells.
STAND-IN TO BE SHAMEFUL IN A NEWS FLASH GREASE TRAP, INDEED
Not that anyone really needs at this point to be reminded what a FUCKING JACKASS Bruce Andrews is, but I think it's been a while since this one did the rounds, so...
"It's not about values, it's about understanding."
"That's not relevant to this issue."
"Justificatory discourse."
"Context is crucial."
Please. Amriki, SORT OUT YOUR COUNTRY'S LEFT WING.
On the obverse, judge ye also of MR ROLLINS' free-improv intimidation tactics in the following. It's as if an entire oppositional culture has spent too much time in its bedroom and cannot survive any mildly testing social interaction without histrionically shitting its drawers.
"It's not about values, it's about understanding."
"That's not relevant to this issue."
"Justificatory discourse."
"Context is crucial."
Please. Amriki, SORT OUT YOUR COUNTRY'S LEFT WING.
On the obverse, judge ye also of MR ROLLINS' free-improv intimidation tactics in the following. It's as if an entire oppositional culture has spent too much time in its bedroom and cannot survive any mildly testing social interaction without histrionically shitting its drawers.
Monday, 11 February 2008
Hi, I'm Hulky
Girls and Boys Alive,
I was told I am allowed to post any propaganda I had to post here. So, readers, please - beware the propaganda.
Hi, I'm Hulky.
Add Glitter to Pictures
I was told I am allowed to post any propaganda I had to post here. So, readers, please - beware the propaganda.
Hi, I'm Hulky.
Add Glitter to Pictures
NUDIST HERMENEUTICS II
For the culturally conservative among our readership who seem to have collectively inhaled about a pint of spit on viewing the dread octosock ( here), I would like to point out that this kind of thing is hardly unprecedented in art, particularly art produced in Japan. I adduce Hokusai's 1820 woodcut, "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife":
Oriental Deviancy? Say something sharp, Nef. Also, this might be a good juncture for the various other XXs (N-WAX MOBAXAX, per esempio) to jump on board.
Oriental Deviancy? Say something sharp, Nef. Also, this might be a good juncture for the various other XXs (N-WAX MOBAXAX, per esempio) to jump on board.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Pu`u `O`o, SUCKER.
Your salad has athlete's foot, I'm satisfied to note. A moment of sheer existent blankness, you turn and use speech to hurt a lack. I see blooming though now and just freshly awakened am ready for drying eyes. The insurgents are not a tenth as jealous of you as you are of them. You will not die wearing green silk, emo scum.
LIK YR OWN SHADOW
"But with the mouth of our heart we panted for the high waters of Your fountain, the fountain of the life which is with You: that being sprinkled from that fountain according to our capacity, we might in some sense mediate upon so great a matter....
....Rising as our love flamed upward towards that Selfsame [idipsum], we passed in review the various levels of bodily things, up to the heavens themselves, whence sun and moon and stars shine upon this earth. And higher still we soared, thinking in our minds and speaking and marvelling at Your works: and so we came to our own souls, and went beyond them to come at last to that region of richness unending..."
~St. Augustine Confessions Book 9: X: 23-24, trans. F.J. Sheed
A Taste:
UNZIP FACEPLANT VOLUME 1
Enough Resistant Whites
"On the other hand, some people are naturally immune. The American Army authorities made a systematic examination of the susceptibility of large numbers of recruits. They found that there was a very resistant class, comprising 20% of the white men tried, but no less than 80% of the negroes. This is intelligible, as the symptoms of mustard gas, blistering, and sun-burn are very similar, and negroes are pretty well immune to sunburn. It looks therefore as if, after a slight preliminary test, it should be possible to obtain coloured troops who would all be resistant to mustard gas blistering in concentrations harmful to most white men. Enough resistant whites are available to officer them."
- J.B.S. Haldane, Callinicus: A Defence of Chemical Warfare (1925) pp 45-46
Saturday, 9 February 2008
Friday, 8 February 2008
WHO IS THIS FRUIT DRESSED AS A MOUSE?
WELCOME JONTY. PANKO IS DEAD. I HAD HIM SHOT ALONG WITH DUX.
I AM BE COM EAR APE.
THIS THICK.
EXPANSION IMMINENT.
Thursday, 7 February 2008
TO THE FUCK THAT STOLE MY SQUASH RACKET
Please observe that:
- I have Tony's head.
- I have a BORGLITE VIPERCUM add-on to my right arm.
- I can levitate.
See you tomorrow on campus.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
BLUEPRINT FOR A FUTURE ATTACK FORMATION
How you will sleep as I eat the sunrise on lucky charms. The fluid you emitted previously gums up to a smell not unlike (a) PVA, (b) UHU, or (c) two-part epoxy; the wanton fatigue, the full orange sky. Grubbing around a root menu in your sleepscape, toggle "history" and blur forth into messianic paraquat. Find vocative of light to the left of:
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
NUDIST HERMENEUTICS: OH, HENRY!
AMRIKI FIZZYKILL,
As punishment for this (a):
And this (b):
And mainly this (c):
You will translate the following text into Western English:
tiefnachts und in dunkelheit
entfloss aus ihrem tränensee
vor langer zeit die einsamkeit
in kleidern weiß wie schnee
die kreatur in weiter ferne
erhob sich aus der trauer
im kalten licht der sterne
die schatten auf der lauer
flügel wie mit hand gesponnen
entsprangen unter schmerzen
in falscher hoffnung zu entkommen
der leere ihres herzens
als einsamkeit mit kraft
den bleichen augenlidern
den faden trauersaft
entriss, kniete sie nieder
mit händen im gesicht
opferte sie blondes haar
in weißer tränengicht
dem stillen wasser dar
vor einsamkeit erbleichten
die wangen der gestalt
die kalten hände reichten
nach einem festen halt
in ihrer rechten schwinge
entsprang die rote feder
der mordlust scharfe klinge
aus wulstigem geäder
es schrie die nacht
durchbarch das schweigen
die rote feder lacht
die erde sollte leiden
mit fürchterlichen zornesfalten
sprach die einsamkeit das wort
vom tod und ließ ihr herz erkalten
die hoffnung war nun fort
„steige empor und nähre dich
von meiner augen blut
für rache opfere ich mich
erfülle meine wut“
der reine wunsch nach rache
ersann sich einen geist
der aus der tränenlache
stieg, und einsamkeit zerreist
der letzte wunsch der einsamkeit
ersann sich dieses kreatur
bevor sie deren unbarmherzigkeit
am eign'nen Leib erfuhr
das feuerrote auge strahlte
höllisch auf des menschen rest
der mit seinem leben zahlte,
das niemanden entkommen lässt
das monster wuchs in ewigkeit
verschlang das leben jener zeit
am ende wurde einsamkeit
aus ihrem tod befreit
Using the following lexica EXCLUSIVELY as source-pools:
GEAR
CHOW
BASS
LUNA
FLIT
You will send your translation to me, I will have it inscribed in copperplate on the backs of two card-mounted copies of (c), sign one Obama and have it sent to Clinton HQ, sign the other Clinton and have it sent to Obama HQ.
ZOOM,
-------///:_/[==+==]____S_E_M_B_L_A_B_L_E____[==+==]\_:\\\-------
As punishment for this (a):
And this (b):
And mainly this (c):
You will translate the following text into Western English:
tiefnachts und in dunkelheit
entfloss aus ihrem tränensee
vor langer zeit die einsamkeit
in kleidern weiß wie schnee
die kreatur in weiter ferne
erhob sich aus der trauer
im kalten licht der sterne
die schatten auf der lauer
flügel wie mit hand gesponnen
entsprangen unter schmerzen
in falscher hoffnung zu entkommen
der leere ihres herzens
als einsamkeit mit kraft
den bleichen augenlidern
den faden trauersaft
entriss, kniete sie nieder
mit händen im gesicht
opferte sie blondes haar
in weißer tränengicht
dem stillen wasser dar
vor einsamkeit erbleichten
die wangen der gestalt
die kalten hände reichten
nach einem festen halt
in ihrer rechten schwinge
entsprang die rote feder
der mordlust scharfe klinge
aus wulstigem geäder
es schrie die nacht
durchbarch das schweigen
die rote feder lacht
die erde sollte leiden
mit fürchterlichen zornesfalten
sprach die einsamkeit das wort
vom tod und ließ ihr herz erkalten
die hoffnung war nun fort
„steige empor und nähre dich
von meiner augen blut
für rache opfere ich mich
erfülle meine wut“
der reine wunsch nach rache
ersann sich einen geist
der aus der tränenlache
stieg, und einsamkeit zerreist
der letzte wunsch der einsamkeit
ersann sich dieses kreatur
bevor sie deren unbarmherzigkeit
am eign'nen Leib erfuhr
das feuerrote auge strahlte
höllisch auf des menschen rest
der mit seinem leben zahlte,
das niemanden entkommen lässt
das monster wuchs in ewigkeit
verschlang das leben jener zeit
am ende wurde einsamkeit
aus ihrem tod befreit
Using the following lexica EXCLUSIVELY as source-pools:
GEAR
CHOW
BASS
LUNA
FLIT
You will send your translation to me, I will have it inscribed in copperplate on the backs of two card-mounted copies of (c), sign one Obama and have it sent to Clinton HQ, sign the other Clinton and have it sent to Obama HQ.
ZOOM,
-------///:_/[==+==]____S_E_M_B_L_A_B_L_E____[==+==]\_:\\\-------
BRAVO, TOAL! NOW: EAT MY GUNFEX.
"There is not really any courage at all in attacking hoary or antiquated things, any more than in offering to fight one's grandmother. The really courageous man is he who defies tyrannies young as the morning and superstitions fresh as the first flowers. The only true free-thinker is he whose intellect is as much free from the future as from the past."
- G. K. Chesterton
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