Tuesday, 12 February 2008



Who would have thought it! Not much more than three months ago I was sitting in Lindsay's front room, spilling my frail dream of a *NEW INTERNATIONAL* like tzatziki all over his carpet. A certain morbid doubt possessed him. It would "never fly". It was "pretty much totally opaque". TO THINK: those were the days when he'd never even seen me having sex, much less mack a FACEPLANT centurion! Jow: to celebrate, you will eat that obnoxious little trilby you seem so disproportionately fond of. Once you have shat the felt, tuck it away in the freezer and await further instructions.

For the rest of you, I hereby initiate the CELEBRATORY FACEPLANT 3-MINUTE PHOTOSHOP BROADSIDE COMPETITION. You have 3 minutes in Adobe Photoshop to do the sickest thing you have in you. One thing per person. The WINNER will be decided by a DEMOCRATIC VOTE which will take place after all the submissions are in. If you cheat, I will know and will see to it that your next wet dream is accompanied by a furious yeast infection. If you don't feel like participating, let me know well in advance. If you don't have Photoshop, KILL YOURSELF, or, at the very least, download Photoshop (no, don't BUY it you gumba, download a cracked version for FREE and get the bonus satisfaction of knowing that you're funding Al Qaeda). THE WINNER OF THE COMPETITION WILL RECEIVE BOUNTY BEYOND THE WILDEST DREAMS OF SOROS HIMSELF.

To get the phagocytes racing, here is my submission:




Oh, and PS - Everyone please welcome and be intrusively kind to comrades JONTY, HULKY and MAKIM CIRCE. The phalanx swells.


If (Arch-snob) {Apeman} said...

Does the three-minute restriction include the time spent locating the photos to 'shop'?

PICO said...

No it doesn't. I should have mentioned this I suppose. You can spend as much time sourcing images, planning and preparing OUTSIDE Photoshop as you like, the 3 minute time limit applies to everything you do INSIDE Photoshop. Go!