Tuesday, 25 December 2007

WORLD-SPORT: Act 6, Scene 2.1

[Fade up suspensefully pretty much just where we left off. Everyone is in slightly greater need of a piss.]

TINTIN: [to Gunwhores.] What made him do it? Who did you have jpegs of him blowing?

GUNWHORES: Who could resist agapanthus in de-Baathification season? He was millenarian self-pollution to a waxy void, face it. We had him lactating in seconds.

[Milou breaks down.]

GUNWHORES: What the hell have you got to be so peppy about? Are you haunted?

TINTIN: By what?

[Gunwhores snigger.]

TINTIN: See, kids, I don’t get your underground sex lingo yet. But let me tell you something else: I could buy your dads. Each of them. So listen up. I met a real woman two nights ago, a real woman with a real Z dimension. She was the whole of everything I want to want, and nothing whatsoever like you. We were going to join Jami together. The way she said the word “distortion” sent goosebumps up my scrotum, for real. We were then going to make love watching the various Godard films we each hadn’t seen. Then, well, then the obvious happened.

DELOYT$TUSH: Ectoplasmic shade?

TINTIN: Yeah. De rigueur cockblock.

DELOYT$TUSH: What did you do?

TINTIN: I kept on looking smug and ordered another glass of water at the bar.


TINTIN: And I’ve kept the smug look ever since, just in case I run into the cross-eyed little douche eater and he’s been thinking he ruined my week.


GUNWHORES: Yeah. Why don’t WE have a union?

SWISS RE: We top the gherkin. We are light concentrated, light tensile immaculata, thru its acorn.

GUNWHORES: And we don’t even have a yoga plan! Brothers!

MILOU: I wonder. Would this be an opportune moment to switch sides again.

US MARINES: Glad we got some face shots. Will ID the bastards and drop them off in the desert with a bullet in their back.

TINTIN: Well, I’ve got to…

US MARINES: I think he is gay. she was expecting passion there and he was acting like gay.


GUNWHORES: she is beautiful and she knows how to fuck he is a good fucker too he knows how to use it inside her she enjoy it they are good fuckers I wish i could have a wife like her.

US MARINES: She looks like she was taking a shit even when she was standing up. Thought she was about to pinch a loaf on him. She also has Man Legs.

GUNWHORES: nicht weiter lesen denn fehler habe ich auch gemacht !!!! wenn du diesen text nicht kopoert und in 7 anderen Videos einfügst, stirbst du innerhalb von einem Jahr qualvoll!! Tust du es aber schon wirst du die nächsten 7 Tagen von etwas schönen überrascht!!! wenn die das gelesen hast bist du verflucht und wirst in 5 jahren sterben poste diese nachrich unter 10 videos und du wirst verschont Nicht Lesen ich schütze mich nur selbst

US MARINES: He needs to be beaten that shit up or he will be fucking me instead.

TINTIN: OU TIΣ. Wherever you are, remember that we would have blistered the pavements with the electricity of our precision. Formally attentive, recently credible, phi tau omega, merry boxing day eve; sex cat nazi, ALOHA.

[MILOU moves back in with his parents. DELOYT&TUSH chews through a fingernail. TINTIN calls his dad a twat in front of his grandparents. MANNEMO smells better than any of you. ____ refuses to get a facebook account. HADDOCK steals a vespa. CITALOPRAM and EROS get fizzy. THANATOS sleeps on a bed of glucose. SURGEON TEMPLE and SURGEON CRIME are outed. WINONA RYDER is shot in the balls and moves to Zurich.]